Trepidation

I am in an anxious place tonight, on the eve before my new diet begins. I went grocery shopping today. And, while I've been on this diet (or modified versions of it) several times over the years, I found myself standing in the middle of an aisle, holding my head in my hands, and saying, "What the *@(%# am I going to eat?" I spent $227.39. Yes, that's TWO HUNDRED TWENTY SEVEN. Agh. And, the worst part is that will only get me through one week of veggies, two weeks (possibly) of meat. Anyone who says organic costs the same has not grocery shopped organic and allergies. It takes me two hours to shop because I have so much going through my mind—wondering if I read the label carefully enough, going back and forth on which product will give me the best bang for my buck, contemplating whether I have enough of everything (protein, fiber, complex carbs) and just general angst about whether I can afford it. It makes me nuts. I listen to the screaming kid crying, "But, I want that!!!" and I think, "Just shut that kid up so I can concentrate on my stupid list."

Yes, I do realize I don't have a stellar attitude tonight, but it's for good reason. I did this diet last year...and it didn't work, so I'm skeptical. I still have as much inflammation—more, actually—and I still don't feel any better. I do have hope, though. My doc has two new weapons in his arsenal. Homeopathics from Germany that he thinks might work, since nothing else—drugs, supplements, diet—has. So, I'll go into this on a wing and a prayer, and my ever-present hope that someday I'll be "fixed."

And so, the journey begins...